I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
