I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just invented taco cereal.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
