I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
