talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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