well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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