Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
