forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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