He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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