So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
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the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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