Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
