I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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