did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
