I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
