We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
