Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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