No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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