Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
