I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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