my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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