better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
