So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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