and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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