We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
