I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
