what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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