oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
