woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
