You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
