Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's shark week go big or go home
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
