she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
