And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
