Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
