I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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