You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
