It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
