The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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