Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
