my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
