I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
