I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
