I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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