No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
