I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it because I queefed?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
