Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
