i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
