a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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