I am spending my child support on dildos
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
