I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
