Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize