So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
