I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
