Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The best revenge is premature balding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
