i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
