absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
