no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
