where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
