Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
