Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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