thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
