DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
