I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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