i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
