i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
