I cockslap morals
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
