phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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