You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
