No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
