I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
