What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
