Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
