i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
