I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
