Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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