Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
