2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
