I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
