genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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