I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
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