I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
